Reflecting on the first days of wedding planning

I remember back to the first days when Enrico and I started planning our wedding. Neither of us had really thought about what we’d wanted (other than hosting a fab party in Italy that our friends and family would really enjoy.) We set out by promising ourselves that we were going to remain low stress and that we wouldn’t argue at all about any of the details. (um, yeah…I know.) E told me that he didn’t really want to be involved in the planning, and that I should only consult him on the big things. (um, yeah, I know!!) I learned that what he really meant was ‘I’m going to pretend like I’m detached, but the reality is that I want to be involved in every-single-tiny-detail-decision.’ Gotta love him.

As planning continued, E and I realized that we’re very alike in some ways and very *very* different in others when it comes to party planning – and that resulted in some pretty enlightening discussions. He is much more of a traditionalist than I am – and although I wanted to wring his neck some days in that loving sort of way (particularly after a 9-day stand-off over a flower archway that he insisted upon), I did love that he cared so much about our celebration and our guests. Plus, on our wedding day, there was so much satisfaction in knowing that we’d accomplished this huge thing together.

Imagine my delight when Revanche emailed me with a guest post that touches on this very topic. This awesome lady was the winner of our recent Glö giveaway on A Practical Wedding. After I discovered she was a blogger herself, I begged her to do a post for us – and she rewarded me by writing about her experience getting started with it all. Revanche is a 20-something girl living on the West Coast who knows ALOT about finances (she’s put herself through college AND paid off $75k of debt on her family’s behalf. You. go. girlfriend!) If we all ask pretty, pretty please – I’m hoping we’ll have even more smart tips from her for managing a budget (and staying sane) during the planning process.

At a recent meet-up where my partner was introduced to the blogging part of my life, the two men present congratulated us on our recent engagement and turned to him with this sage advice:

1. “Consider yourself an honored guest with a really great seat.”
and
2. “You need a chief of staff on the wedding day. You just can’t be bothered with all the BS complaints at an Asian wedding from your guests.”

We had to laugh because clearly, Advisor #1 was a veteran of a traditional wedding and Advisor #2 had definitely weathered the trenches of your standard, grueling, traditional Asian marathon known as the wedding festivities: if it doesn’t kill you then you should be prepared for marriage. Maybe.

Understandable, these fine fellows A) had never met us before and B) have probably never heard of APW (which I loved from the moment I started reading it, thanks for the intro @tanyasnarks!). Their advice totally makes sense when all you know is the WIC world (Revanche speak for Wedding Industrial Complex, what she jokingly uses to refer to the wedding industry) – that’s all I knew up until a few years ago.

But no, my partner won’t detach himself from the planning. Frankly, life’s tough enough and I have responsibilities enough that my taking on all of the wedding planning, tiny though I’d love it to be, would be both stupid and selfish. Heck, he’s more interested in what my hair’s going to look like than I am. [Apparently, after 6 years of “Your hair looks great any way,” it’s to be long and up for our wedding. Wha?]

A couple years ago, I wrote a synopsis about our family’s wedding traditions which haven’t been bucked through my generation, even unto the cousin only 4 years older than me. I had to explain it all in detail to PiC on the long drive back home down south so that he’d fully understand what it was I wanted to veto.

Definitely check out Revanche’s Chinese family’s wedding traditions for invitations, wedding gifts, the ceremony and evening reception, and thank you notes.

It’s only fair that he gets un-veto power though it burns a little because I Don’t Want. While I hope he’s going to leave more out than in, again, he gets to make his choices and we’ll figure it out from there.

We’ve discussed some aspects privately and with family, though we haven’t made any solid decisions yet.
Whatever modifications we make, it’s going to be interesting, but it’ll be done together.
It’d better be, I’m not taking the blame for this all on my own! ;)

Revanche is a recently engaged* anonymous personal finance blogger at A Gai Shan Life.  She’s a 20-something girl living on the West Coast. Since 2000, she’s put herself through college and paid off $75,000 of debt on her family’s behalf.

She and her fiance have been together for several years and he still managed to surprise her with the proposal. They plan to share many more happy years together, wedding planning, crazy family and traditional expectations notwithstanding, as what they’re aiming for is a marriage, not just a wedding.

*We’re doing well so far, it’s been over a month since the engagement and we’ve successfully held off all attempts to railroad us into planning. Anything. At. All. *fingers in ears la la la la* Actually, we’re having fun faux-planning, and haven’t committed to anything except each other. Every night, we reaffirm our love and our commitment to each other, and this marriage. That’s what we’re doing this for, no matter what “this” turns out to be.